Friday, November 20, 2009

Over The Top Award



The Sylvester Stalone "Over The Top" Award ... for Sissy Blogs Is Mine At Last!
Wow, I just won my very first award with an apron on it … thanks to JordieGirl in the lovely UK. “UK” is not Upper Kentucky unless you’re from LA ... which is Lower Alabama. Anyway, go see her very cool blog when you get a moment.

Well, as I was saying … I am sure you all know I have won my share of awards in my lifetime including that third place (white and wrinkled) ribbon in the 4th grade all-school kick ball championships in Mesquite, Texas. BUT, I have never won ANYTHING with an apron on it. What joy! Truthfully, I am feelin’ kinda weepy about this notoriety.

According to the RULES … which everyone here knows … I am not exactly a rules kinda guy. In fact, I break rules if they exist to this day and I am not at all afraid to advertise that. I’m sick of rules in all forms. Well, not quite, but almost.
I have decided not to fight all the media coverage that has been thrusted upon me and our family as a direct result of being the recipient of this most prestigious lifetime achievement award. Apparently, I have to answer some questions for the record ... but I am not sure why. I think they sent the wrong questions.

So ... as JordieGirl so eloquently said in her acceptance speech, … "Let’s get on with those flipping questions now”!

1. Where is your phone?
I never know where it is until it rings.
2. Your hair?
Very grey but I am not attending hair club meetings. However, I do like clubs.
3. Your Mother?
Still Mom. Ate pea soup at her house tonight.
4. Your Father?
In heaven. Probably waiting to slug me for all those jokes at the funeral.
5. Your favourite food?
Too many. Wife makes everything. Chelsea spaghetti is up there.
6. Your dream last night?
I am on way too many pills to remember stuff that happens when I am awake. Forget remembering dreams.
7. Your favourite drink?
I just noticed that favorite = favourite in the lovely UK. Drink? Hmmm, what’s the temperature? Mom’s tea, McDonalds coffee, Red’s turpentine. Bring it on!
8. Your dream/goal?
Middle management, trailer home, and seniors discounts! That’s livin’ the dream.
9. What room are you in?
My wife’s bedroom. I am on the road too much to call it mine.
10. Your hobby?
Photography? Knaw! That’s a way of life to me, not a hobby! Now “being arbitrary” THAT’s a hobby!
11. Your fear?
I fear less everyday but maybe it’s not being able to solve all my problems. I thought I could years ago or at least I was foolish enough to think I could.
12. Where do you want to be in six years?
That’s easy! I would like to be eating crackers in one of the party rooms at the Bartonville State Asylum in Peoria, Illinois. “IT’S MY TURN TO HOLD THE GUINEA PIG!!!”
13. Where were you last night?
At home in Illinois.
14. Something that you’re not?
Afraid to put my foot in my mouth. I like it!
15. Muffins?
I thought you would never ask. After all you had two big plates sitting in front of me for the last half hour. I already ate three when you walked out of the room between question 4 and 7.
16. Wishlist item?
Nothing? Who says nothing? OK … let’s see, I want a wallet big enough to stash the national debt in $5 bills. Then I want to walk in and pay it off … but I want members of the Senate and House of Representatives (OF BOTH PARTIES) to take turns counting out the bills to make sure I pay them the correct amount. Yeah, that way they would be useful for a change!
17. Where did you grow up?
I have spent major portions of my life in the suburbs of three major cities. They are Toronto, Chicago and Dallas. I have yet to show any inclination to actually grow up. Still crazy after all these years.
18. Last thing you did?
THIS! I know I got that right!
19. What are you wearing?
A large tube sock! Sassy!
20. Your TV?
I do not own a TV. I got sick of it.
21. Your pets?
My wife owns a Rat Terrier and me.
22. Friends?
Oh yeah!
23. Your life?
One Adam Twelve, One Adam Twelve.
24. Your mood?
Umm, I don’t know. I’m not in jail.
25. Missing someone?
Really no. Does that sound bad? Is everyone supposed to miss someone? I feel like Boy George singing “I know you’ll miss me, I know you’ll miss me”. I am not missing anyone that I won’t see again. So, I really have no capacity to miss them. I miss my family when I am out of town for extended periods. BUT RIGHT NOW, I am home so I am not missin’ anybody. I think this means I should spend more time missing people. Maybe I miss some relatives. That’s a great line! Now they need to guess who they are!
26. Vehicle?
My wife has a car. I bought it but I really only get to drive an AVIS rental car in cities far away.
27. Something you’re not wearing?
Gee, what kind of sicko would ask that? OK, I gotta say underwear to make my family sick.
28. Your favourite store?
Coles Supermarket in Port Douglas, QLD, Australia.
29. Your Favourite colour?
Green! Geniuses pick green … but you didn’t pick it.
30. When was the last time you laughed?
I saw my Great Grandma fall down two flights of stairs this morning. I was dying.
31. The last time you cried?
Right after my Great Grandma got her Colt pistol out of her purse.
32. Your best friend?
She knows.
33. One place that I go to over and over?
The bathroom.
34. Facebook?
My teacher used to say “Face the wall and read your book.”
35. Favourite place to eat?
The courtyard in front of Coles Supermarket in Port Douglas, QLD, Australia.

Well, I am finally finished.Thanks again for the “Over The Top” Award JordieGirl.

NikonSniper Steve

20 comments:

Desert Rose said...

At least you did answer it!!! LOL

~All Roads Lead Home~ said...

This made me smile/laugh tonight!! Thanks for the chuckle! :) Take care. ~Sarah~

Ronda Laveen said...

You look cute in an apron.

Erin said...

yep...#27 was over the top...G R O S S !!!! Sad thing is...I don't know whether to believe you or not.

dominique eichi said...

I will not be accepting this award if I get it but will pass it on quickly. ........ouf !! so many questions !!!!!!

BB said...

# 28. Your favourite store?
Coles Supermarket in Port Douglas, QLD, Australia.

Story please Steve?
:-)
BB

jordiegirl said...

Hi Steve

Brilliant answers even if you didn't quite get the hand of it being one word ansers. You really made me laugh. I think it's better when people don't stick to the rules, their answers are much funnier.

I am so very sorry that I gave you this award with an apron it, but I picked you because I like your blog, it wasn't until after I'd awarded it that I thought it looked a bit sissy for a handsome male specimen like yourself! However, as I said on my other comment, I didn't make the award up, don't know who did, or why they asked all those nosy questions either. I wonder how many of us have actually answered any/all of them truthfully!!! Very few I think.

Yes, we English spell lots of words with 'ou' as opposed to your 'o', like colour and favourite, however I don't quite understand why you don't spell it our way - we were here first - lol! Probably because it's easier, our language must be so difficult for non-English speaking people to learn so many exceptions to the rule!

Have a great weekend.

Deborah said...

That was good! Some of your answers were quite funny!

Gigi Ann said...

Enjoyed reading your answers. You made me chuckle a few times.

Braff Zackton said...

Stavo never wears the underwear. On those rare occasions he's dressed from the waist down he's wearing Under Armour compression shorts. Use this space ___________ to tell me I'm wrong.

Anonymous said...

I really don't know how I wound up here, but I enjoyed the heck out of the visit. Your photography is very, very good. Inspiring, I'd say. And your sense of humour cracks me up. I have a devotional blog and wish you'd just stick your head in the door and say something funny sometime. Do your do anything with your photography besides the blog? I'd imagine some of it is deserving of publication somewhere. Good luck to you. Enjoyed the visit. I'll be back.

NikonSniper said...

Dear Anonymous,
I am not sure how I wound up here either. I am on 4 medications that say ... "possible side effects include dizziness", ... all I know is ... at least 1 of them is doing this to me. So the next thing I know, I am tied down on the back of a flat bed truck with this German Shepherd barking violently in my face. There's a guy shouting something at me from an open open window in the back of the cab. He's screaming, "Oh yeah, oh yeah ... we are taking you back to the Bartonville State Asylum." Oh yeah and I also had this blog when they got me there. Wow, that was a trip.
By the way, I seriously DO read devotional blogs all the time. Especially when I am on the road. Please send me an email with the name of your blog to me at nikonsniperguy@aol.com. It would also be cool if you titled the mail "PAY ATTENTION TO ME YOU STUPID IDIOT". That way I won't delete you right away. I will think ... this sounds familiar, might be a member of my family. That way I'll get it for sure. :)
NikonSniper Steve

Rose said...

Congrats on the award. Your answers were too funny!

Mrs. C said...

To funny Sniper..Love your sense of humour..lol

Khris said...

You're a dag....were you in Aussie long enough to know what a dag is...LOL....by the way, you also crack me up....Khris

NikonSniper said...

Khris,
I don't know what it means but it sounds really awesome. One thing for sure is ... no matter what it means ... I have certainly been correctly called something worse.
Love that Aussie dictionary.
NikonSniper Steve

Khris said...

LOL...well be sure not to look it up in the dictionary...it doesn't sound so good...but in Aussie slang it is an endearing term that sort of means your a "twit" or a "funny bugger" or a "funny fool"...LOL
Khris

NikonSniper said...

khris,
yeah, that's about right.
i could buy in to that program for sure.
nikonsniper steve

BB said...

Stephen - this might help. (A little something I prepared earlier!)

http://bushbabe.blogspot.com/2008/07/speakin-lingo-strine-users-guide.html

:-)
BB

NikonSniper said...

Bush Babe!
Right. I think I get the drift. I had two Joe Blakes and a goog fer breakfast and Bob's your uncle.
And I like to think I can take the piss ... thus making me a good sport.
I went to one of your Aussie rules football games and I think that there was enough to have you all declared insane. What a riot.
NikonSniper Steve